You Are Your Abused Neighbor's Keeper
When you live in an apartment, you have to expect thin walls. You might get used to the band next door that likes practicing until midnight on Fridays. You could probably even learn to live with the Tejano bass from your downstairs neighbors. But what if the sounds of shattered glass, crying, harsh words, and body punches filter through your vents? Abuse is an uncomfortable issue, but learning to live with it is not an option.
When you hear the word "abuse," you may associate it with only physical violence. Remember, though, that abuse can be sexual, emotional or neglectful as well. Keep in mind also that abuse affects men, women, and children of all ages, races and every social status.
If you are aware of any form of abuse, you should do what you can to prevent it from continuing. Once you have witnessed abuse of any type - whether it's through the thin walls of your apartment, or otherwise, it is your responsibility to do something about it.
Excuse #1: It's none of my business.
If you are hearing or witnessing abuse, you are being abused. Your quality of life is being diminished. And if you don't do something about it, you are contributing to the abuse. By remaining silent, you are telling the abuser that it is OK to carry on. No one will come. No one will care. With your silent permission, the abuse will continue.
Isn't that a much greater responsibility to carry around than simply calling the proper authorities and letting them handle the problem?
Many cultures believe that what goes on between a man and wife, or a family is private. But as long as anyone is a visitor, resident or citizen of this country, they are protected by our laws.
So you think abuse is none of your business. On the contrary, it can even affect your business. According to the Bureau of National Affairs, domestic abuse costs businesses $4 billion annually in lost work time, health costs, high turn over and lower productivity. It can also affect you as a consumer. Increased costs translate to higher prices for goods and services. Is it your business now?
Excuse #2: If they wanted help, they'd get help.
It's important that you do what you can to help the abused. Studies show that in the US, domestic violence is the most common but least reported crime. Women often will not report these crimes, believing that it is a private or personal matter. Many live in fear of their attackers, believing that reporting the abuse will send the attacker "over the edge." Many women are also economically dependent on their abusers and can not mentally work out the problem of how they will survive if the attacker is put in jail. So they allow themselves to be abused.
Men sometimes will not report abuse because of pride issues, or the fear that their report will be ignored. Many children find it difficult to report an incident to the police because the abuser is often a parent, family friend or relative. At astonishingly young ages, these children are already in adult positions - protecting the parent and the household. They know if they report the abuse, the abusive parent may be taken away...or may be released back to the family to do more harm.
Excuse #3: I know these people, and I don't want them to realize I was the one who called.
All agencies from Child Protective Services to 911 are authorized to take anonymous calls. If you know someone is in immediate physical danger, you should immediately call 911. If you are afraid that the abuser will find out you are the one responsible for calling, you can inform the agency and they will take the appropriate steps to protect you. If you are subsequently asked to give more information, the agency will take your testimony or deposition in confidence.
If you suspect a child is being mistreated, but is not in immediate danger, report it to the Division of Family Services Child abuse Hotline in your state. Reporting suspected abuse does not make you legally liable, and it can lead to professional help for the abuser and even end the abuse to the child. They will investigate the report and make a final determination on the appropriate course of action. To get the number for the DFS Hotline in your state, call your operator. For other abuse, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
Excuse #4: I've reported John several times, but Jane always takes him back. Why should I even bother anymore?
Although it may appear baffling to outsiders, battered women live in constant fear and chaos. They can become sensitized to the brutality and chaos until they don't know what is normal acceptable behavior anymore. Many times they are being threatened with their lives if they try to leave the abusers or participate in any way in the restraint or arrest of the abuser. If Jane is taking John back repeatedly after he has been reported and re-offends, this may be the case.
But your call can still do some good. Consider this scenario: You are in your apartment and can hear Jane being beaten. You call the police. They question John, and perhaps arrest him. Even if Jane accepts John back into their home, you have stopped the violence for at least an hour.
There is always the chance that Jane will come to her senses and get help from family, friends, or a battered women's shelter. Your call may keep her alive long enough to do just that.
Excuse #5: I'm not legally responsible to report domestic violence.
As a matter of fact, you might be. Mandates are people required by law to report child and elderly abuse. If they do not report the abuse within seventy-two hours, they could be civilly liable for damages and possibly guilty of a misdemeanor.
Stop making excuses and start making a difference. If you are being abused, there are people out there dedicated to helping you. For free and confidential counseling, you can contact (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network): 1-800.656.HOPE or National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE.
For additional information on abuse and violence contact the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: 1-800-537-2238 TTY: 1-800-553-2508
Have you or any one you know ever had an experience with domestic violence and a neighbor?
